LUNGS

i want to cry but i’m scared of the pain in my rib
my heart beats furiously, dealing with the pain in its own way
bruised rib, painful breaths, overflowing heart
i want to cry but the pain in my rib stops me

it takes an injury for us dumb healthy humans to realise
how lucky we are to be able to do everything we do
taking deep breaths that clear the mind and the heart
laughing, coughing, sneezing, crying

every time i promise myself i won’t forget
and every time i get healthy again, i forget so quickly
what it means to be sick, to be injured, to live a little less
that it feels funny and offensive at the same time

the sky is grey and low and heavy, clouds gathering quietly
like a body preparing to menstruate
everything feels still and tense at the same time
awaiting a pain that is a fresh start, a release that smells of rain

i feel the atmospheric pressure in my thick, slow blood
all the tension, the feelings, the pain and joy and doubts
life in this past month of mine has been gathering clouds
glorious mountains of vaporised water fill me up

yet i am allowed no relief

to cry, to sob uncontrollably, to let go, to allow the rain to fall
such sweet and effective tool has nature gifted us with
and now that i find myself unable to grab and use it
i suddenly feel lost and unsure of how to proceed, how to process